You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
