Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
