You really coming over, don't trick.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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