This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
