Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i barfeds in our rink
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Are my feet made of real feet?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
