Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he was CRYING into my vagina
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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