I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
