i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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