We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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