I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
