Got a toothbrush?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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