This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
