dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
