he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
