i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
