remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
