i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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