9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
