Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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