is your mom at the bar?
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
