My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
