I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
