Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
