Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
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