I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
