NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
