The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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