My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.