i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.