We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...