you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.