You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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I think weed is turning my hair brown
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."