But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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