I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
