I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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