A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
