Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
