hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
