I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
