This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
