I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
