I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
