plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
