You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
