sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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