also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
