I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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