i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
