Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
