Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
