Your tits are I can't wait for
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
