I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
