I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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