think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
