In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I would ride that face into the sunset
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
