Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
