the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
