i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
