Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
