You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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