You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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