Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
