We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
