I have demons in me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
