I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Quick, to the slutcave!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
